Being Young and Female

This is a tribute piece to every female, especially young female professionals, in celebration of Women's Month. 

"Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women." - Maya Angelou

Back in 2016 when I drafted this, I was then a 28-year old wide-eyed civil servant and needed to work with a lot of people twice my age. I had the privilege of working with tenured finance experts who were around my parents' age. I also had the opportunity to lead multi-generational teams. Guess you could say that it was a real challenge but nonetheless very formative. As my way of joining this annual celebration of womanhood, here's my own piece on coming to terms with being young and female.

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I came across an article on Elise Stefanik, a Republican congresswoman elected at the age of 30. As short as the writeup was, it resonated so much with me as I often find myself being the youngest and, although thankfully not the lone female, but nevertheless in the minority during meetings. I recalled many feelings of uncertainty and self-doubt, as if I have no right to be on that table. On bad days, I would be haunted by thoughts of "being found out", that my thoughts are mere illusions without any substance in them. Later in life, I would learn the term for this - imposter syndrome, which is more commonly experienced by women. 

Do I still experience this? At times, yes. But I'm very grateful for all the support I received from many different people - men and women alike. They gave me opportunities, lifted me up, and helped me connect with parts of myself so I can ignite my light for others. So what's a girl to do in finding her way in this big, big world?

 

1. Leverage both your age and gender in adding value. 

An advantage of being different from others is exactly that. You're different. Your thoughts will be shaped by a different perspective, fired by a new sort of energy, and fueled by a hopeful optimism. They say we're always trying to push boundaries, right? Sure, their wisdom will tend to temper your crazy random idea but never underestimate what your crazy random idea can spark in them. 

2. You have something to bring to the table. 

It can be hard to come confident thinking that you're not yet an expert in the issue. Go back to your strengths, values, and your experience. The greater your self-awareness, the greater your understanding and your power. It stands for something. 

3. Do your homework. 

You can't wing it all the time. Do your research, learn from others, and keep growing. In this age of information, there really is no acceptable excuse anymore not to learn. I love this quote from William Yeats, "Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire." 

 

4. Find your tribe. 

I'm so blessed to have had the opportunity to learn from and lean on both female mentors and amazing peers. They keep me grounded and inspire me to just keep trying every day while holding out space for the real me. To be female is still not easy these days. Society puts both spoken and unspoken pressure and expectations on us. I really believe in the power of communities where females can journey together and support one another. 

 

5. Learn from peers. 

A friend wisely told me years ago, there's always something to learn from others. There's always a two-fold temptation - to be too comfortable listening that you forget to speak up or to be enamored with your own voice that you stop listening to others. So don't shy away from what others have to say even if it's different from yours. Do pick their brain from time to time. Sharpen each other’s saw, ‘ika nga. Keep a mind open enough and a heart generous enough to learn and share knowledge.

 

6. Embrace your femininity!

I must confess that I struggled with my femininity because I used to view our inherent 'softness' as a weakness. The way we have been designed by God is His gift to us - to help us fulfill our God-given mission, not to limit us. This is a beautiful gift that we can share to the world. In St. John Paul II's Letter to Women, he wrote,

"Thank you, every woman, for the simple fact of being a woman! Through the insight which is so much a part of your womanhood you enrich the world's understanding and help to make human relations more honest and authentic."

My Cannonball Moment

 A little sequel to my Cannonball entry (which, btw, was published 2021). 

Photo credit: Ignatius 500 website

To the uninitiated, the cannonball moment refers to the time in the life of St. Ignatius when a cannonball shattered his leg which needed him to convalesce for quite a stretch of time  and which spurred his conversion. This was the subject of a daily reflection a few days ago - what moment of your life made such an impact in your life? 

It got me thinking about the times I got sick in the recent months. In a span of less than a year, I was down and out of commission for at least a total of one month. People who know me well will say this is *very* uncharacteristic of me. I dealt with two bouts of Covid-19 (both symptomatic!) and a bad case of food poisoning. Thankfully, there was no need to get hospitalized. Although it was so bad that there were days I literally had no energy to respond or check anything because both body and brain just shut down.

I felt so helpless in those moments and really had no choice but to surrender myself to the hands of God, and learn to trust in His care and providence. Of course He came through (as He always does!) with a strong but quiet assurance that He has me in his palms. 

I cannot honor my family and friends enough. My mother - who took care of me and catered to my whims. My father - who helped me with work-related matters. My sister - who I know I can depend on anytime. Dear relatives and friends sent their prayers, get well messages and care packages my way. My independent soul never felt as vulnerable and loved at the same time. <3 

This cannonball moment taught me to trust enough that I have prepared my team to hold the fort when I'm not around. They were very sweet with their messages and gestures of support. I'm proud to say that they managed well and I honor them, together with other work colleagues, as well for being so understanding and supportive.

It is unnerving to be vulnerable and reveal a side of yourself when you do not have full control (then again, when are we ever in full control of everything?). This period in time highlighted who and what matters in my life. In a state of weakness, God granted me the grace to open my heart to receive His love through the people surrounding me. It was nothing short of overwhelming to allow myself to be loved just because. And it taught me that I can freely give love too just because. Simply amazing how much grace God can pour in our lives in whatever state we are in. 

As I frequently assure others, God meets us where we are. I pray that in your own cannonball moment, you will feel God's love and grace.

                                                                                

                                                                                          Be blessed always.

 

How's Your Heart?

Yesterday and today we celebrated the Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and Immaculate Heart of Mary and it got me thinking about our own hearts. 

Usapang puso muna. Kumusta na ang puso mo?

Pagod na ba? Tumitibok pa ba? Kaya pa ba?

Let's do a heart check. 

What's been in your heart lately? 

What or who is taking up space in it? 

Does your heart still know how to love or has it been coated by bitterness? 

Does it still beat with passion or fervour or has it been turned into a mere mechanical organ?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It got me thinking about my own heart. I haven't held as much space for God as I should the past days. His grace has carried me through the past difficult weeks though. I can almost feel Him cradling my heart to comfort me. Even in my bad days, I feel a magnetic pull towards Him, almost like an invitation to rest in Him and trust that better days will come soon. Ang sarap magpahinga sa piling ng nagmamahal sa iyo, itong puso ko nakaramdam ng kapayapaan. 

Canonball

Reposting this from Facebook as a commentary on the Final #Pabaon2021 Message from Fr. Adolfo Dacanay, SJ to the graduating class of 2021 of the Ateneo de Manila University. I wrote it one morning when I was feeling woozy thanks to Covid-19. 

Fr. Dacanay spoke of canon ball moments in relation to the pandemic and the conversion of St. Ignatius of Loyola who founded the Jesuit order. Here's an excerpt (original post appeared here).

This year we celebrate the 500th year of the arrival of Magellan in the Philippines, and the arrival too of Christianity. We also remember that 500 years ago, Ignatius Loyola’s right leg what shattered by a canon ball at the battle of Pamplona. This started his long process of conversion during his convalescence at the family castle in Loyola—when he was “quarantined”. And while in lockdown and for want of Netflix and UAAP recorded Ateneo games to watch, he was forced to examine his life and his values. And he came to the conclusion that the things that so mattered to him then—life in the royal court of the Spanish king, honors to be gained in his military exploits, the women and the wealth and the honor and the power that up until then were the driving force in his life—did not after all matter. That was his canon ball moment. The shattered right leg mended, and his life too and his values. This led to his conversion and to the founding of theSociety O Jesus. What Ignatius thought was the end of his life, led to the beginning of another life, a life where the values that really mattered mattered!!!!!

My comment when I shared the post:

I believe this message is not just for the seniors. I think this applies to every one of us who went through the pandemic and is individually yearning for a sense of better normal to be ushered in (or secretly wishing for things to come back to how it used to be).

It has been a much painful journey for the world. We have grieved for so much loss, silently mourning all the changes, and dreading the uncertain that will surely come. Could this be a huge cannonball moment for us?

To know that one disease can kill us faster than wars

That an unseen virus can change the way we work faster than we can pen labor policies

That adversity can bring out both the worst and the best of humanity

That the quarantine felt like an extended retreat to come face to face with ourselves as a society - what have we come to make important in our lives and do we want to continue living like this

That an invisible enemy can make us remember God (or even start to question him)

Praying that we all recognize our own cannonball moments and in recognizing so, we allow ourselves to be led into the light, no matter how scary it may be. So that we ourselves can be little lights to others.

Be blessed always.

God First

I woke up this morning in a stupor. Nope, I was neither drunk nor hung over. I slept very late the night before because I caught up with a friend who was having a very difficult time in her life. My body is no longer in its youth, I can feel all-nighters catching up with me. In fact, all-nighters are now a very rare occurrence for me. Hehe. 

I didn't want to arrive too late at work so I willed my body to move faster. I sat down and debated in my head whether to rush into my routine or to proceed with my usual morning prayers. There was a flicker of the temptation to rush into things. But I'm glad I didn't. I sat down and went about my morning prayer. 

Granted my mind was a bit cloudy. I did double duty to grasp the psalms and prayers but my heart was right there trying its best to focus on the Lord. And I'm glad I didn't give in to the temptation of putting off God. Having those extra minutes of solace reminded me of lifting this day up to God that all my thoughts, words, and deeds may glorify Him. 

It's a struggle, yes. You won't feel warm and fuzzy all the time. But persevere in prayer. Give God the best part of your day and let Him come first in your life. 

Be blessed always.

An Extra Helping of Grace

I bought a pink gaming keyboard on a whim. Yes, I am not even a gamer but I got enamoured by two things: 1) it lights up beautifully, and 2) it's a lovely pink shade. And so it has inspired me to start putting my thoughts down into paper (virtually) again. 

I was surprised to see that my last entry dates back to 2016. I wonder why I ever stopped writing when it sustained me over many years in the past. Life happened between that last entry up to the present. 

What major events happened between then and now?

1. I moved to a different government agency after working in the Department of Finance for 6 years. I was given the generous opportunity to work at the Office of the Vice President. 

2. At the Office of the Vice President, I had the chance to lead an office transfer at the nick of time because we were trying to get ahead of the "Ghost month", spearhead a leadership development program for high-potentials (this was such a meaningful project),  run organisational development interventions, live through an ISO certification process, and a bunch of other stuff that I never thought I would be able to do at work. 

3. I was able to attend a Prayer and Life Workshop (PLW) mid to late 2019 which ignited something in my prayer life. The past years were a bit of a struggle between many things and while I never abandoned my faith, I was experiencing lukewarmness and something like a dry spell. Attending the PLW gave me that nudge I needed to rediscover and re-experience my faith, this time in a deeper, more personal way. It was a good opportunity as well to further build some friendships. 

4. I was fortunate to be able to travel with friends and family. I love discovering new places but most of all, I love the moments I share with those who are dear to me. 

5. Early this year, I took a big leap when I transferred to an e-commerce company. The fast pace is something that challenges me and its startup nature teaches me a lot of things. Good thing I just found out that Learner is one of my natural talents. ;-)

6. Then the Covid-19 virus struck until it became a full-blown pandemic. Lives dramatically changed as lockdowns are enforced, new routines are adopted, and there is always a sense of anxiety and fear over the uncertainty. 

As I look back over the past years, I realise how much grace I have received from God. Not just in terms of material blessings and opportunities that God has been so generous with but all the times that His grace worked through my life. In every moment, every encounter, He was right there. And I am incredibly grateful for everything. 

I look forward to writing once again and being able to share a part of my life to others as I view my life this time through the lens of God's faithful grace. 

Be blessed!

Review: Sephora Collection Eye Mask and Sleeping Mask

My latest mask acquisitions are from the Sephora Collection: the Marine Algae Eye Mask, Green Tea Sleeping Mask, and Lotus Sleeping Mask. While this can now be ordered online from Sephora PH (this used to be Luxola.com, I think?), I got mine from Singapore at roughly the same price, cheaper by around 2 pesos.

So what is this sorcery?! Here's a quick rundown:

The Marine Algae Eye Mask promises to "enhance skin hydration from within and nourishes skin for deeply plumped, supple and balanced skin".

The Lotus Sleeping Mask is a moisturizing and soothing rich cream-gel textured sleeping mask that "locks in water and reduces signs of fatigue for the appearance of plumper, more rested skin".

The Green Tea Sleeping Mask is a mattifying and anti-blemish cream-gel textured sleeping mask for a matte, clean complexion.

*My Sephora mask experience*

Marine Algae Eye Mask
One pack contains two sheets - one for each undereye contour. It is soaked in the marine algae formula upon opening. Hay nako, don't be like me and wear the protective sheet instead of the actual mask. LOL. The mask is the soft white sheet while the protective sheet looks translucent when put on the skin. Watch the video below and see my booboo! LOL. XD

A video posted by Jen Tan (@missjenausten.ph) on Feb 7, 2016 at 6:04pm PST

The mask is cooling and refreshing on the undereye area and this is coming from someone who regularly lacks sleep. The formula feels so light and was easily absorbed by my skin - no sticky residue! Since I only used this once, I wasn't really expecting any drastic change. I did notice though that my undereye area looked plumper like whenever I get to have a good night's rest.


Lotus Sleeping Mask

Though small at 0.27 oz, I was able to use the Sephora Lotus Sleeping Mask twice. I reckon it can even be stretched up to three uses. The mask comes in a pink gel cream formula which is easy to apply on the face. There's an instant cooling effect on the skin upon application. It really helped in hydrating my skin and similar to the Marine Algae Eye Mask, my skin looked plumper and more rested the morning after.

Green Tea Sleeping Mask

Like the Lotus Sleeping Mask, the Green Tea mask is also cooling to the skin. The mask comes in a green gel cream formula. I don't have as much love, though, for this one since it kind of dried up my skin. Maybe it got too mattifying? Anyhow, this might be good for those with very oily skin.

All in all, I like both the eye and sleeping masks. On a stressful Friday night, putting on this would be a good way to unwind and get a much-deserved relaxation.