Frustration. Expectations. Some met. A number unmet. Random surprises. Challenges here and there in my apostolate.
All of these lead me to compose this piece today. For days, I have been trying to find and piece together several words and phrases that seem to come out of nowhere and are all amazingly related to a persistent subject of my prayers. And now, the image that was blurred has gotten somewhat clearer.
Work, so far, has shown no signs of letting up. Bad habits have gotten in the way of waking up on the dot and following a plan of life for an orderly day. People can be responsive at times, not very so sometimes and most of the time, we are inclined to say, not at all. At times, it's very tempting to simply give up with one's apostolate, abandon prayer and give in to what is easy and pleasant. But what about my duties and responsibilities - the mission, don't forget!
Remember that scene where Jesus calls his first disciples? He asked Simon (who will later be called Peter) to lower his nets for a catch. And Simon replied, "Master, the whole night we have toiled and taken nothing..." Man, did I feel so much sympathy for the guy!
Frequently, I feel like those fishermen. Tired and down-spirited. I try everyday and there are just days when everything seems to be in vain. Yes, I had wanted to hang my net for good not too few a time. Just when I was about to, a man called Jesus calls me, motions for me to come closer and and tells me, "Duc in Altem" (Put out into the deep) then I have a million and one excuses. Lord, I've fished day and night but there is no catch. He looks at me again with his loving eyes and says, "Please, put out into the deep. For one more time." I wished that before he said that, I sounded more like Simon whose full line was, "Master, the whole night through we have toiled and have taken nothing; but at thy word I will lower the net."
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